From the Ask Tom mailbag:

Question:
I am the manager of a team of project managers and several administrative-type "bargained" folks. I have been working with this team for 4 years, and we added another administrative person one year ago. There is constant conflict between this person and the rest of the team.

She is a horrible team player, extremely negative and continues to isolate herself from the rest of the team. My team is extremely close knit, except for this one person. She continues to alienate and isolate herself socially from other people on the team, and increasingly gets upset because she feels like people are 'avoiding' her. She says that people completely ignore her - and that she hates to come to work because is constantly alone all day.

I have coached, done team meetings about communication, team work and team building. The rest of the team benefits, not her.

Today she came crying into my office again saying that her team members ignore her and how awful it is to work here. I am a busy professional with so much on my plate, I don't have time to continue to work on this with her. I am scared to death about saying to her "maybe you need to find another job" because of her bargained status.

Response:
I need more information related to the "bargained" status. Why does this make her a sacred cow?

I would make a deal with her. You will help her find a role that fits her. That role may be on your team, on another team in the company or on another team in someone else's company. Her choice.

You are not a babysitter. You are not a social worker. You are not a psychologist. You are a MANAGER. Start acting like one. You and your team have work to do. It IS your job to determine the task assignments for your team, provide them with resources, select the members of the team and evaluate each team member's contribution to the goal. Because I will hold you accountable for the performance of your team, you must also have the authority to de-select a person from your team. (De-selection does not necessarily mean termination, just means this person can't be on your team).

You can be absolutely supportive in helping her understand the contribution she has the capability to make, including being a valuable contributor to a team effort. If that fits, great. If it doesn't fit, get her off the team. Help her find another place where she can be happy.

As a manager, you can be sensitive and straight. We have work to get done. If she wants to be a part, she's on the team. If not, be straight and sensitive and help her find a place where she does fit and make a valuable contribution.

Yes, you gave me some negative feedback. In my training program, as my coach, to create a champion ice skater, we talked about discipline. And now my laces are smartly tied, no longer dragging the ice.

But am I now, by virtue of correcting this weakness, a champion ice skater?

The answer to the question about negative feedback is, yes, it must be spoken, but correcting a weakness does not make a champion. It just means I am not going to fall on my face, skating across my laces.

As my coach, one thing you see, is that I have a natural and strong accelerating push-off. It is my strength. It is the one tool you have, as my coach, to build on strength. Sure, you have to tell me my laces are untied, but correcting that will never make me a champion. To make me a champion, you have to build on strength.

If you have agreed to be my coach, to turn me into a champion ice skater, the first thing you notice is that my skates are untied.

As a habit, I am sloppy about my equipment. The knots in my laces are loose and within minutes, they come apart and the laces drag the ice. As my coach, you want to be positive, but my laces are untied. Do you ignore this weakness, or is it part of your obligation, as a coach, to deliver some negative feedback?

This is not a rhetorical question.

Most people don't know that I am a championship ice skater.

At least I will be, if you agree to be my coach. As my coach, you have many responsibilities, this is the first.

Woody Allen says that half of making progress in life is just "showing up." The first responsibility of any coach is to make sure team members show up. I cannot get better unless you show up for practice. So, if you are going to be my coach and turn me into a championship ice skater, your first responsibility is to make sure I show up for practice.

How is your team showing up for practice?

We have two scholarships available for next week's (Aug 17) kickoff at Working Leadership Online. Coaching Performance - Time Span and Highest Capability. If you would like one, please respond to Ask Tom.

You see the person relax. You know they are capable of more. But they stop, take a break, coast. Compared to their peers, head and shoulders above. So they get head and shoulders above and put it in neutral. You are the manager.

How can you bring this person to a higher plane of performance?

A skill is made of two things. There is a technical knowledge piece. That's the stuff we go to school for. That is what is taught in textbooks. And it is necessary.

The other piece is most often overlooked, and that is practice. Technical knowledge and practiced performance make a skill. What is your role as a manager, as a coach, in making that happen?

In our coaching series in Working Leadership Online, so far this summer, we have looked at

• Coaching - Bringing Value as a Manager
• Coaching Underperformance - Time Span and the Employee Contract

We finish the series, kicking off next Monday, August 17.

• Coaching Performance - Time Span and Highest Capability

We have reserved ten invitations for a free scholarship. If you would like to receive an invitation, please respond to Ask Tom.