"How did you expect him to respond?" I asked.

"I expected him to stop doing what he was doing and do what I told him to do," answered Patrick. "Instead, he just froze. He stopped. His face went blank, like he was all confused. So I left the floor to let him figure it out, get his bearings. Ten minutes later, I'm back out there and he is doing it the old way again. As soon as he sees me, he stops, like he is lost. It was like his first day on the job again."

"How would you describe his attitude, as a worker?" I asked.

"He has a good attitude, you can tell he wants to do things right, but when you criticize his work, he goes totally incompetent on you."

"Why do you think that happens?"

"I don't know. It's not logical or rational. It's like he isn't thinking with part of his brain."

"Which part of his brain isn't working?"

"Like, I said," Patrick continued, "the logical, rational part."

"So, when you criticize him, what part of his brain do you think you are tapping into? Because you know we all have different parts to our brain." Patrick was stumped. He knew about different parts of the brain, but he was a manager, not a psychologist.

"Patrick, there are three big parts of the brain. First is that logical, rational part. Second is the emotional part. And the third is the oldest part of the brain. This old brain is what we first used for survival back in the early days of man. This old brain is constantly looking out for danger. Of course, danger today is different than back in the dinosaur days, but it still operates. Most of the time, the old brain, when it senses danger triggers a "fight" or "flight" response. But sometimes, it doesn't know what to do and just freezes. I call it fight, flight or freeze.

"Think about your criticism as a danger signal that creates fear and I think you will gain some insight into his response.

"As a manager, at times, we have to provide negative feedback, corrective guidance, especially in matters of safety, specific sequences, the way we deal with customers and so on. In what way can we, as managers, provide that feedback without invoking the fight, flight or freeze response?" -TF

From the Ask Tom mailbag:

Question:

I am currently a sales representative with a prospective position as a sales manager over the next few months. I would be managing a sales force of approximately 10 people with 2-3 products using a fairly new selling process. It is tailored to think about WHY a customer makes a buying decision versus delivering a scripted message. This sales model incorporates detail aids (printed material) along with the use of television ads in the future. I have to begin to think about WHY I am ready for a district sales management position. What do you feel are truly the most effective skills that I need to think about as a new sales manager?

Response:

Being a Sales Manager requires a totally different skill set than being an effective sales rep. Many good sales reps have ruined their sales careers by being promoted to Sales Manager. Let me run my short list by you and then we will open it up for suggestions.

• Hiring
• Firing
• Establishing accountabilities (targets)
• Training
• Evaluating performance
• Coaching performance
• Building a team
• Running effective meetings
• Reviewing and adjusting the sales model

We will spend the next couple of days looking at these skills in more detail. Meanwhile, I know several readers have made that transition and will have some helpful recommendations. Please leave comments. -TF

From the Ask Tom mailbag:

Question:

I am currently in the IT helpdesk-desktop support field and have been there for five years. I am looking into an entry level management position in IT. What are some of the key things that one should learn or be very strong in.? Much appreciate your response to this.

Response:

First, look at the specific requirements for the position you are going after. Speak with the current supervisor of that position and ask the same question.

Next, there are some core skills that every manager should sharpen, no matter the industry. These include time management, communication skills, planning skills and the like. My favorite book on these subjects was written by Peter Drucker back in the 1960's called the Effective Executive. It's still available from Amazon and is a quick read.

Finally, start hanging around with other managers in your company. Find someone to be a mentor, someone you can bounce ideas off of, someone who asks you questions and makes you think. -TF

From the Ask Tom mailbag:

Question: (continued from yesterday)

I am a Regional Manager, responsible for seven locations across the Midwest. At times, I feel as if I am not in touch with their issues, challenges or daily routines. In fact, some are not even "available" for lunch or dinner when I am in town. Have I lost touch?

Response:

First, my question. When you do meet with your managers are you bringing real value to the conversation, or would they just as soon skip it? If you are bringing real value to their thinking and their work, your managers will look forward to these meetings. They will not miss these meetings for all the tea in China.

So, what does that conversation sound like? How do you, as their manager, bring value to their thinking and their work?

Most managers think they bring value by providing direction and advice. Of course, there are times when direction and advice are helpful, but please, don't ask me to dinner so you can tell me what to do.

Instead, ask me questions. Ask me how I am doing. Really doing. Ask me about my challenges or difficulties. Ask me how I am solving my problems. Ask me how I feel about my job. Ask me how I feel about my life. No advice, just ask and listen. I would love to tell you how I am doing. I would love to tell you how I feel about my life, the things that are important to me. Come here, you can take me to dinner and I will make myself available. I will not miss the opportunity to talk about myself. It's my favorite subject. -TF

From the Ask Tom mailbag:

Question:

I am a Regional Manager, responsible for seven locations across the Midwest. I feel I have the ability to manage effectively without talking to my team on a daily basis. But, at times, I feel as if I am not in touch with their issues, challenges or daily routines. In fact, some are not even "available" for lunch or dinner when I am in town. Have I lost touch? Can you recommend a book to read, symposium to attend to improve my management skills? What has been your experience in managing people in multiple locations?

Response:

Thank you for your question. Reading a book will not solve your problem. Staying in touch with your location managers is tough when face-to-face meetings are not frequent. It's tough, but not impossible.

First, create a master schedule of all the touches for the next six months. This includes face-to-face meetings, conference calls, 1-1 coaching calls, birthday cards and handwritten notes that are snail-mailed.

Ask your location managers what interaction is the most helpful, how you can provide the best support for them. Each person is different and may require a different frequency and kind of touch.

Tomorrow, I will talk about that in-town dinner your managers are not "available" for, but in the meantime, let's open this up for posted comments. As a manager, how do you stay in touch with out of town direct reports, to support their issues, challenges and daily routines? -TF